I see you...

Barely know you, yet I see you everywhere. Here and there. Haunting and stalking and raping my dreams. In a good kind of tease… In the morning, before I even open my eyes. You’re my first surprised thought. Processing this wildly situation, I feel the feeling of happiness is rising to the top of my glass, fast. I’m caught up. And so are you. One month in and we got it, we got it baaaad. Talk about infatuation. Dedication. Admiration. These relations were inhaling but not exhaling are driving me blissfully crazy. I’m loving every move, every step, everything that’s entitled to this little love endeavor were secretly, enduring. Chemistry. We have lots of it. I wanna get the bucket.. And water our loveflowers.. So they don’t die and stay alive for a real long time. Cause.. I don’t want this feeling to disappear and reappear somewhere else. I want this. With you. Cause I see you. Everywhere I go.

Feeling Feelings Feelingly

The feeling is exciting.. reviving and inviting…
Feeling right at home.. the free love surrounds my all arounds.. 
Striking my soul and igniting my bones..
My dome, is in another kind of state of mind.. 
Feeling clear, sure, secure and stress free…
You should try this medicine too.. Smile therapy…

If you feel down and out, distraught or caught up…SMILE. 
It’ll all be worthwhile and a long while till you can fix the issue.. let’s see, like..never.
So, be clever.. fuck the tissue.
What is out of your control, there’s no controlling, so start living and enjoying. 
Smiling..

Don’t feel vile… redial. 
Restart… relax, relate and release. 
Restate your weary mind.. 
Cherish what you’ve got, count your blessings, and feel the love.
The love in which surrounds you, in every and any weird shape and form…

It’s in the air…in the trees, in the leaves..
Thru the clouds and in your house. 
It’s there, everywhere…
Feel love, in the atmosphere; the gentle winds, the cool warm breeze. 
Freeze. 
Embrace, every moment like it’s your last…just cause. 
May sound a bit cliche, to say but the truth it will remain…besides, 84% of life is, cliche…
Cause life’s cycle is one big cliche and were all just thee, series of phases..
No traces of fake faces… Just live. 
Breathe. 
Fuck the nonsensical bullshit they supply.
Smile….. and drink some sweet tea or meditating herbally..usually they all, work as a remedy…

Then, feel your feelings feelingly, see…
Cause you will live as happily as can be.
So, come with me… you will see. 
It’s a world full of vibrancy.. angelic vibrations and outrageous energy. 
Fly with thee, feeling feelings feelingly.

veeNesss

Lit, and remains to take inhalations of the naturalizations of life’s realizations.

Temptress, seductress, enchantress.

Femme fatale.

Her energy lights up and brightens everyones soul in any room at any given time on any given day, week, year.

Subtle fear.

She doesn’t even want attention most the time yet still receives it, unwillingly.

But, Intakes it confidently and appreciative of the worth she is facing.

So far from cocky, actually quite humble, staying neutral. The future is now. Cherish moments.

Peace and love.

Love is astronomical..Universal. Not of always relating to relationships. Nor marriage, as civilization seems to categorize it under. It’s nonsensical.

Wake up.

Love is just, love.

Love, love.

Specially, self-love…

Family love. Love friendships. Art love. Free love. Love for music, lyrics, rhymes, poetry. Oh yeah, I said art. Love for laughs and good times. Don’t wine or bitch about unworthy shit.

Quality time.

Be appreciative. Spiritual. Loving. Giving. And caring. Remember there are others amongst us.

Our originality and individuality. We make this globe go round.

Casually, we find those who lack intellect and neglect the opportunity to be helped.

None the less, we live life for ourselves.

Thank the stars for family and friends but always remember to please thyself, first and foremost. Just don’t forget others, cause they love you as much as you love you. Those few.

Over and out…

V

Make. It. Happen

Create something.. Be someone.

Day by day, I’m living…living and searching, blissfully striving.. making shit happen. Thanking everyday, I’m still breathing.

At times, when I feel lost and disoriented, I try and find my place and purpose for earth…and everyday, I am reminded of my worth…I’m surrounded by love..everywhere I go.

Evolving into someone great, I dominate and hydrate this here world….with my fate…my abilities and qualities I fulfill everything I must, in order to adjust…

It’s challenging, understanding everything and everyone at every moment…we all want to help one another, but then again, every other one, wants to be independent; free from the outside control… It always is, just what it is… Let’s not try and understand and comprehend everyone or anyone, let’s just all love, as ONE.

Live for ourselves, in honesty..greatfully, happy and we are sure to find our dynasty…to all, as ONE bring peace and love to this here, world…the way it should feel..

Everything I do, everything I put my mind to.. I accomplish. Feeling acceptance and serenity with no distractions…amazement and dedication…the ecstasy and admiration…ha..ms. Influential…

Do you feel it? The optimism and joy of interest and trust with a taste of anticipation…don’t forget the large glass, filled to the top, with vigilance…as I sip and drink it…every day I’m blessed.

It feels good to be loved and I feel loved….

97.9% of those I see and meet have something positive to say about me…giving me and my self-esteem the confidence which was lurking beneath the surface.. I believe that I am good at everything I do..as long as I’m smart about my moves…decision making is a recursive process…caress your stress and transgress.

My soul feels worthy of high praise..so raise your hands with me and say…life is good, life is great…so, keep the fate; your destiny awaits… Keep the faith; your substance of things hoped for with the evidence of things unseen.

In other words, belief without evidence, trust…confidence for oneself. Confidence in you, could be confidence in someone else. Self-love..while listening and meditating to the octave…frequency of vibrations…pleasant vibrations. Loyalty with a side of tea, please…

The world is so big..so huge…and so widespread…world wide net…and were all the spiders…one family..oNe life…one love!

Stardust

Work. Commission. Customer Service. Sales. Blah, blah, blah..Blah, blah. These kinds of jobs are bittersweet. Working hard or hardly working? One day, it’s crazy busy infested with bitching customers adhering pointless complaints as if they seem to think they are the only beings on earth. Then other days, it’s deliriously boring and I go bonkers. With nothing to do but think. Put in writing. Observe. Magnetize. Smile. Brain games. Evoke. Repel. Inhale and exhale. I’m working. It’s Sunday. Morning… Tediously seeking an interesting moment of blasé… I do it for the almighty dollar. Holla. Coinage. Finances. Dissimilar substances. Wealth. Treasure. Hard cash. Currency accepted as exchange for goods and wants and needs. Feeeeeed me. Treasure. So I can fly up and receive my pleasure. The pleasure I think I deserve. Querkle. Train Wreck. Chem 4. Gem Stone. Grape God. Jack Frost. Jill. Is willing to deal with unspecified objects and/or events just to be near you. Element of surprise. Our Freedom. The Love. & Peace. Absurdity. None the less. Beautiful Insanity. Reasonableness greatness. Something felt, seen and perceived. Feeling real. Palpation sensation. Blissful. Gratified. Chemistry & vibes. Lovestruck. Upbeat money. Okay.. Enough with the sporadically writing. For now. Ciao…

Irregular Intervals

Not really there, but there……Like the thoughts, in my brain trailing away, day by day..like the knots, underneath my skin-I’m tense…. and my senses.. they’re off … Off and on, More on than off……..Shoot, my thoughts… they’re trailing again-LOVE…. what is love? love is a drug.. the kinda drug i want.. not the kind i need na.. nothin’ compared to weed…MONEY… dough… this.. this is important though, you know… cash, i need it fast.. gimme the loot. This life, shit…. This life is ALLLL about that, greenish paper with distinct numbers..on em’ .. numbers and faces…. faces of different men of importance…… Whoa-MUSIC… Music is life, live it… closely knit. Lets dance… dance-grind-kiss then maybe after, all the laughter…. FUCK.. heartstruck-SEX… now sex is fun… but only with, the one… these other dudes are just dick, i guess still fun but.. only for me to be free…  dick, that i would probably-never even lick, yuck.. naaa, i let my downstairs lips, do that shit—TATTOOS.. Tattoos and piercings, piercings and trees, its definitely ME.. Respect it, we’re all different… makes the universe, diverse…MEN…. suck, ha-FRIENDS.. friends and family, they cause an eternity of happy.. points in time, throughout this life-SCHOOL.. school is not for fools, in fact.. i attract everything i rack, infinite wisdom, flickering and triggering my thought process and decision making, no faking…  these fools, fools not in school, are disastrous-SLACKERS.. entertain you brain and gain…. knowledge.wake up, smell the maryjane…. pick up a book, crook…. then float.. float away to cope-ha.But Check me, I’ve got this crown, right.. of new knowledge, new outlook and new aspect on ….. life and when I wear it… it feeds..my brain.. and hits my veins through my soul and back inside my dome……There, but not there ……No sense in being tense and holdin on to something that’s not there ….. farewell

Whack

I met someone… Met someone and fell for someone. Not too hard, luckily. But, none the less…..certainly fell. So this is my story I’m going to tell…

At the beginning, it was both ways, mutual feelings. No strays…straight free love, all the way. Then, I gave it up. and as much as I wanted to give it up, cause I wanted it just as much.. I didn’t ask for his touch..yet willingly, he gave it to me…Smoothly and sincerely. But truly, I see now…just how false it all was.  He fed me the appetite for seduction and romanticism and I bit into his sweet apple, which with time has rot. So I bought, my one way ticket to take the train to gain the soul searching strain..

This man, wasn’t just any man tho… he seemed very real. Ironically, I’m not one to get emotionally attached. But he seemed emotionally attached and sincere so i felt no fear…. feeding me the love destruction my naive soul needed at the time being.With that being said…I’ve taken what he fed me, even that weekend filled with amazement…. all of it and put it up on a shelf…that way me, I and myself, can find ourselves.

Real eyes realize real eyes and your almond shaped, amber colored eyes, lied. Funnily, you didn’t have to lie to me, cause quite frankly, dear.. you were sweet, and young; neither are traits that I hold in high regard.. and as much as you used me, I used you…. Difference between us though is.. I don’t show emotions, while on the inside I certainly feel them…and all along you..show false emotions you clearly don’t feel. So now, it takes time to heal. Cause I..sure as hell fell for your trap and.. where are you now, in time crunch?
But I’m back. Return of the Mack…but this is indeed wack! … the feeling of neglecting for he is juggling two girls at once, like toys….but its cause he’s a 21 year old boy…whom doesnt deserve the respect and recognition i was willing to give. for i need to live for one person…..myself.  

I’ve come to learn, through personal experiences and analyzing the world.. That men..will be men. Boys will be boys. Males with one body part which does their thinking for them.
I can’t comprehend just why it is the way it is….but it always just is what it is. Everything happens for a reason and although we never know the reason, adapt to the changes of season positively and recognize the real faces. Communication and honesty….it’s easy…. 

Live Freely ….

 

Man vs. Boy

There’s a clear vivid difference… A huge, fine line between.. boy and man… although all the same…being male with dicks… [excuse my language] some take longer to change… & some always remain the same…boys.. but some of those pricks.. are still romantic, and less sarcastic…more committed and less distracted…. Less is more…but only real men, who have been down that road before, quite worn out from that drive, fast lane comin’ to a halt..can comprehend that fact… then again, it was my fault….I thought I had a man, when in reality it was a boy.. a fine sexy boy who spoke sweet “real” words, FAKE…. apparently… and clearly, the love was his toy.. like a child, got bored and moved on his next….toy. Therefore, boys…will be boys. Children in playgrounds, playing….. games.. Men, don’t like games, just like real women. Real recognize real and you were lookin’ unfamiliar… A man, knows what he wants… when he wants it.. and if his woman is everything and more… No way in hell he’s letting that go..no need to shop around when u got that good stuff at home…. Men..tend to their women, cherish them, pull chairs out for their women, pay the bill, play with her hair, or just stare directly at her…tendin’ to her every need…lickin’ on her neck..ticklin’ her nape..makin’ her feel great. Feelin good, feelin’ right…even if she doesn’t feel right, being there…one touch of his energy, strikes her though all the right places..ignites her soul and recharges her whole, being…. Seeing is believing. She blowws..up….moaning, groaning, stroking, fucking, sucking….oooo, this nigga knows whassap… Knows how to treat a lady, in all ways… Shiett, I think I found me….a Man.. Now, I can continue this chat bout Man vs. Boy…. But just observe and watch..and you yourself might come to find..the right kind..of fella, right by ya side….

Naturally....

the flow, inside my soul… wont stop streaming. the flow, inside my soul.. is thanking you, gushingly. the flow, inside my soul… is shining bright, in a midsummer’s night..dream. the flow, inside my soul, is feeling you.

the flow, inside my soul… is craving you, under wood..where I’m safe from the rain. the flow, inside my soul refuses tame. the flow, inside my soul, is falling…and wont get up…but more importantly, wont want…to get up.

the flow, inside my soul… is the flow, flowing within your soul, willingly. the flow….is flowing, naturally....

In Due Time...

Im feeling down.. left and right, up and down, roller-coaster style. Regardless of my smile or frown, I’m still feeling torn about… being worn and thrown out, scorned; like a broken tool.. My friend advised me to shoot myself on the foot and bets that’ll hurt more…..Whoa. Whoa. I’m sure that WOULD hurt me waaaay more..  The tiny deep cut on my finger stings me whole..But it’s not someone playing with me, purposely.. Mentally, physically and emotionally … It’s isn’t a certain someone stinging me, deliberately.

See, I got cut accidentally. But this, this situation I walked into willingly. Blindly open minded… Naively, thought you were my savior.. at least your behavior was talking that way but now I see you walking, so Im sure you were faking just to get me sweating, and making love and delicious.. But I’m the witness, and clearly a woman warrior who will get by, just fine. With due time.

And really, truly, honestly…. I am fine, 95% of the time….the other five, is just alone pensive, time. But I’ll live, I’ll get by and survive the times.. Just like the last time…. Where now I use my pain to rhyme.  But pain is lame..yet, that’s not really what I’m feeling… I’m just saying..

I’m letting life flow naturally and things will be sailing smoothly, because I’m proceeding and progressing on my sail boat, sailing.. Drifting and lifting … 3,000 feet in the air, and you’re not invited there…My will to strive is ignited and lighted.. Im ready to blow on outta this whole, I’ve dug myself, in. I dont blame you, I blame me and I will see…

In due time…. I’ll be fine.. 1,000,000,000% of the time

4am poetry...

A lot of nights I try and fight…..my insomnia, but some way or another…it always shows… Like the bad guy that always gets killed but some how shows up in the end scene. I’ll lean in & go to sleep within a decent hour, get woken up for any sudden anything and just like that….I’ll stay up..for hours. With no power. No powers to go back to sleep. No self control. It’s like I’m a whole other me within those hours. Not recognizing my own kind of flower…and its all because I’m tired. I need to get real rest in order to pass this self soul searching test. Cause I’m a mess. In and out of my brain. My mind is tangled in distress. My whole life seems disastrous in these moments.. but I know I should cherish it. All… for even the negative moments eventually turn golden cause everything is linked for a purpose… No coincidences… Shrink the negatives and stretch the vibrations of the positive foundations. Things that happen, occur so it’s a lesson learned. Believe it or not, we learn… From our heart-aches, our mistakes, all the little things we take for granted that do matter in this chatter. I’m feeling like the mad hatter. All over the place with no change of quick pace, always ready for the race. I just need to rake in these nostalgic leaves and pile them up for the garbage truck to pick up. Cause, my memories haunt and taunt me but I soon hope they’ll just flaunt for me. Make me feel nice instead of weak. Cause this week has been rough. But none the less, I am tough. & soon ill view it all as sonething beautiful that had to fall just so the next great big thing can recall. And I’ll get by with a little help of my friends….And my family. Cause that….is true destiny. Now hopefully, I’ll get some sleep. 4am poetry………

Epiphany

Suddenly, it dawned on me. I’m not getting any younger, so when will i start taking life seriously? I’m constantly drifting into my own world, thinking. Contemplating, analyzing, talking with myself, planning. Planning futuristic characteristics, which don’t do shit for me, currently. My nostalgia is getting a hold of me, whole heartedly. I need to find myself, passionately. I mean, I know what I want in life, it’s just the drive, I’m lacking and I cant pinpoint, WHY? I have a caring soul. & a determing goal. SUCCESS, just like everyone else. Only, I’m the boss of my decisions and I need the self assuring, self courage, recognition. It’s my position. My war. My defeat to beat, and treat, repeatedly. I had an epiphany today..and I say… I got this. Everything will come with time. My destiny will arrive.

When it happened..

Twas a reality, in turn becoming fantasy, galloping oh so dreamily… Plans were made till the vibe changed. Slipped off its axis.

I landed in San Fran on a chilly October night. Seated and greeted with a Purple Kush Medi Cone. Blown. 5 minutes in feeling so lifted and sex driven..by the semi long drive, watching this sexy driver, driving to San Pablo. Space man, watching me, through his rear view mirror. All along the watch tower.. I too, watch him. Got home safely, immediately felt weird and knocked out instantly. [after all, twas a bumpy five.five hour flight.] Few feet away, in the other room, he has text messaged me goodnight. At that point, with my mental dirtbag sight, I wanted to bust open his room door, throw down my draws and get on my paws. But, I quickly shut my eyes, closed my legs, calmed my wetness and went to bed. to dream the unthinkable scheme.

It might seem as if though, the next day came, he became more flirty. Lovey, Dovey, music and feelings. Querkle hugs and kisses. Undivided attention and massive, massive Cali trees. Fake?

Anyway…he took me up to Twin Peaks, where I have seen the most perfection scene. Mountain lurking, mouth to mouth eloping… watching the San Francisco sunset, disperse into the ocean. Sex motion and love devotion, I sunk into his potion. Minutes later, watched the moon rise, where as, seconds after, felt the drippings between my thighs. He rubbing up against, mine. Abruptly, Pouring down…take me now, Under wood.

Fucking fool feeding me romantically emotions towards me. Thought it was clear from the beginning, I’m older and one of the creators of those tools. Same broken down tools you currently endure. Whos playing who? 

So, anywho, next day comes by and he calls out of work. his ultimate drive, from day one, was to show me a good time. Successfully speaking, he’s driven me through the almighty famous Golden Gate Bridge. Sight seeing, mountain peaking, spark sending. Besides taking me into his woods he knew I’d like, THEE woods. Muir woods to be exact. In fact, almost made love there too. Controlled, though.

So, each morning and night, we made love, Sex and fucked. Way more than once, twice and thrice…… he knew me a lot. & fooled me into thinking he was falling and couldn’t get up. Me, still on top.. suddenly, stupidly slipped and fell accidentally. Now I’m currently hunting the method of coping.

Treated me like a special lady, friend and lover, treating me like the Queen of the castle. Therefore, It was a dream, indeed; fantasy weekend. Though it did seem as real as a true love, deep cut, all at once. 

Walking down the lonely road, I’m dripping in gold, living my life like it is goldenly gold. 

Positive Energy

Surrounded by people, yet Im feeling lonely. 

Luckily, that doesn’t intrude how I also feel happily. 

Weirdly, Im gripping onto emptiness with positive energy. 

I’m thinking now a days, things happen for a reason cause we’re young, but eventually…things will happen because they’re meant to be.. 

Meant to be, is you and me. 

But i understand what your doing.

Love is my religion. 

I just wanna hold your hand…guide you through this chance. 

Stop being a boy, and become a man. 

Show me, stop talking.

Words are words, and I write enough for you and I, both. 

Just ignite, fight tight, for the right of real love. 

Just because, its been 154, forever more. 

I tried to get by, and move on to the NEXT guy. 

But he was a clearly stated Jerk.

Assholeitis, minus, the fun times ;) 

But time is time…. time is eternal and time tells it all. 

Every story and every rhyme…

Time stops and Time goes.

Live for the moment… not for the future or the past.

The present time flies fast.  

time, is truth, and with time I only become bulletproof. 

Been through some crashes, storms and bumps. 

but throughout all the rough seas, I’m on my boat, sailing, smoothly.

and I’m the real storm Coming. 

Stunningly, frantically, spiritually….

Motivating and Determining while life is intersecting Destiny.

If you believe, you will achieve.

Positive energy is what we need. 

and I leave that, up to me. 

My world, My life, My decisions. 

I have recognition of the jolly life I’m living. 

Stress free, is the way to be. 

Thats What They Say...

I controlled myself today. Self control, that’s what they say.. ‘Control yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. It’ll take time..but you’ll be just fine’ Okay..I’ll intake what you say, on this day. & I’ll live by it from here on, day to day. At least till I can, feel again. and once I’ve healed, I’m sure I’ll feel. I’m just not sure about what it is, I’ll be feeling. Cause I swear…I’m losing faith in dignity. Hopefully, some kind of epiphany will summit and I’ll be convinced. Try. That’s what they say. But why? Try, what? All I’m saying is… Something ain’t right. My days are like nights. & my nights are that of similar to Etta James. Walking down the lonely road leading to no where. But wait, that’s not right, nor true. Im happier than this all sounds…. Youre so talented, don’t worry, thats what they say. & although Im feeling blue, this is true. & I’m actually proceeding, progressing and prevailing on this sailing boat. My blank stare..it still speaks truth. Yet, soon…the blankness will fill. I sense the positive chill. and its right around the corner. No hoarder. Far from it. I don’t keep garbage, I don’t need. Including all the unnecessary garbage, fake people, weak feelings, I feel unwillingly. but Don’t tread on me. Follow me as I lead… A lady warrior I am, indeed. A creator, artist, photographer, poet. I will be successful and never regretful. This long journey begins to set sail. Love is my religion though. & I can only wish for more. Stay sharp, that’s what they say. and all I can say is…let me be, I will feel what I feel when I, am feeling it. Everything im enduring is a learning lesson and I’m not undergoing any sort of depression. So… I, will control myself because I, want to. I will Try and try and try again because I’m, feeling it. and yes, I am talented & I’m not worried.. so I’ll always stay sharp for the sake of my own beating heart…not because you’ve given me your honest opinion. See, I’m pealing the unwanted layers off of this onion needed and continuing the embarking lovely excursion.. Inhaling my own goddamn potions. Never settling. Never falling. Five feet and all, I’ll always be standing tall.

Past Tense

So, I’m in love. I’m in love even when you’re cruel. You have this thing that I just cant shake off, I dont know what to do. Can’t understand how you do what you do and why I’m so lovestruck. I love everything there is to you. I love that your head is in the right place and you’re making moves. [wrong moves but nonetheless, moves]. No matter what I know that you’ll never hurt me. [but wait, you did]. I love how you’re always motivated & determined. I’m in love with the fact we know that no matter what we will always end up together, as happily as ever after. [even still]. You’re the truth, you’re so real and i love the way that you make me feel. [well, once upon a time]. And if I am a reflection of you then I must be fly cause you’re light shines bright. [and now I shine alone and you’re, looking a bit dull]. I remember when we first met, I found myself immediately intrigued by you. It was almost as if I knew you from another life, like maybe back then, I was your husband, maybe you were my wife… India Arie type shit. I fell in love with how weird it all felt, weird that I’m… Me.. Vanessa, even capable of feeling this feeling. [in love]. Even things I dont like about you [like decisions you make] don’t push me away as far as I really should stay. [your life is fake] It would really be my pleasure to share your company. Take my hand and follow me. cause this is the hand that can guide you the right way. I love the way you speak. I love the way you think. I love how you are with your family. [is it even the same?] I love the tiny gap between your teeth. I love you in every way that a woman can a love a man. From personal to universal but its unconditional. There ain’t no substitute for the truth, either it is or it isnt. And see, you’re the truth. And im in love with you! And theres no better way to explain. Im sure I can say much more as to why I have fallen in love with you, but truth is … I really don’t even know. I don’t know why I feel the way I do. & quite frankly, this shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t feel this feeling at all. it should be very long gone. But you, I know you. and I know what you truly feel, not what you decide to show. if i sit here and really write every single word as to why I’m so in love, Ill have you back so quickly but truly, I’m thinking I don’t want that back. So I leave you here with these words. Take into account we had something real. had, have, will always have. blah blah blah….. I just wanted to let you know why I loved you the way I did and how I know its real, cause it still lingers here. within your soul and my own.

The story...

She was feeling the flow, there to grow… Ready to Expand & explore. 
Restore. 
Twas a cool misty evening… He took her up to the mountains. Everything was perfect. The scene. Weather. His presence… The sensual. Romantic. Serene…atmosphere.
His sincere terms.
She doesn’t know why she felt the way she felt… Coulda been the scene, the weather, his presence. All in all, the familiar scent of love was roaming the air. The appetite for seduction was definitely there. 
On top of these mountains, there she was… Snapping photos, capturing moments, looking as golden as the sun setting directly behind her…. While he stares. She feels. He leans.. Breathes. Heavily on her nape. That moment; her great escape. The sun sets and the moon rises. They kiss. Moments later, touch. The rush… The heat.. The amber energy. It’s all too much. Too much so quickly. Feelings flowing naturally. They can’t handle it. Well actually, apparently, she can’t handle it. She’s feeling.. And falling. Bad. But wait, cause he was too. Funnily, she hadnt felt any of these tantric melts .. But, all he did was feed her bull. 
Shit, that is. & so she fell.
Quickly, She left his city. Came back to reality. 
And they put it all behind them and never spoke again. She then, opened her eyes and awoke. 
It was just a serene dream…

I can go on and on and on....

a lot of times i wanna write. write for the thrill of jotting feelings and thoughts while being out of sight. while you read ill recite. but wait, Im still too shy so, I’ll just wirte because i wanna write. sometimes, i lack the drive and inspiration needed to make this right. inspiration is needed for every self fulfilling dream. the dream i see, painting my serene dreams. but more importantly making them, vividly. real. true. here. serene reality. see, its all in what we do not what we say and this may be cliché; very predictable and unoriginal yet truth. and the youth is starting to change, becoming aware and rearranging. are you changing? are we changing? we should be growing as were learning. showing our true colors. not staying the same in brain while we change in age. in other words, in more brilliant, intelligent terms. we shouldn’t keep the same childish mentality while we age yearly. we should grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually, on the daily. fuck the yearly. who’s to say, what may not or what may? Lay lady lay, that’s what he said today. I think i just may be here to stay. Its one life to live and that just what I do. i live. love. breathe. laugh and play. taking life seriously though, because without seriousness there comes no dough. and everyone needs the cash flow in order to survive these hard times. so i rake in my money tree leaves. and i make my moves smartly and gently. i never rush into destruction cause “i have nothing left”. something is always left. something is always better, greener on the other side.

to be cont’d

Something Different..

i want something different.

something different. altered. antithetic.

i hate patterns.

despise steady schedules.

life is always so punctual. so accurate. concrete.

it’s simply turning…boring.

that is, when I’m not making it interesting, different and exciting.

this city has nothing left to offer me.

drifted apart.

you and i don’t want the same things we once did.

it’s a love/hate, bittersweet type, relationship.

but im the captain of my own sailing ship.

and i, no longer wanna drive my car.

i want out.

i wanna ride the train. take the bus or use my legs.

i want fun. journey and spontaneous events.

a life filled with happiness and successful adventures is desired within my nature.

nothing but snapping photos. writing poems and staying musically inclined.

taking in all the positive energy and neglecting all the negativity.

im tired of the norm.

need something new to find my worth.

creating a new reality cause the last one is old.

played out, and worn.

i need change.

something different.

departure.

somewhere uplifting. reviving.

something worth drifting this existence.

a substance allowing me to shift away from … where i am now.

my dreams, are inchoate.

partly in existence but not fully in operation.

my very own inauguration.

change. change. change.

i need something different.

...

Can’t see me but you may feel me. Do you hear me? … Let me see you, for what you really are. Show me your true colors. Show me the real you…like i do. No time for phonies, fakes or fronting…keep it real. let me know it’s real, if its really real…

As humans we subconsciously play mentality games with one another…I think its lame. Mental games no one wants to play but they play them anyway. Playing games, cause folks don’t know how to adapt to change. life is constantly changing though, times rotating and we’re constantly learning. 

Accentuating the positive, Eliminating the negative…I know it sounds repetitive but this is legitimate information I am collecting…sharing and sending with you…my people…through my energetic vibrations…you can even feel me through these cyber exclamations…

No frustrations…I’m here to share with y’all..the secret to being…is just being. living gleefully, peacefully, stress free, pace-fully…take your time. live day to day. second to second. and love. love all. you will see how things may work to your advantage and the small percentage of nothingness with be filled greatness…

Sporadically Writing Poetry...

Apple seeds, next to the river, above the canyon, adjacent to the main boulevard.. Beneath the maple tree..quivering…find it, under the roots..
It’s there, serenity everywhere.. 
As she sits by the sea feeling the breeze and watching the trees live freely, she, herself, feels free. free at the beach, feet in water, thru the stream, she tries to reach out for the sun.. the part of the sun that causes her to close her little brown eyes when she looks up… because the truth lies, right above.. above and under, right underneath her nose.. 
Feeling the breeze brush through her hair and tickle her skin, she wins…
She’s won the miraculously apathy she actually seeks to cringe.. and all she can sit here and say is.. wow. Wow for so many things… to begin with….  
Its November, November of two thousand and ten and when.. exactly, did we get here? Why did it arrive so fast, yet, at last…..its an Eternity of serenity..guilty, of happiness… surrounding her.. and her family.. although they’re not aware of all the hairs lifted from her skin, cause she’s got these goose bumps ticklin… ticklin her, and her conscious…. Her  consciousness repents and sends out telepathic repetitious subtle subliminal messages.. hoping that these are just phases.. phases one goes through…cause of “the age” struggling life of a college student trying to strive and survive at the same time. cause from within, she’s content and filled with attributions she has for this earth, this world, this peaceful home… peace comes from within and it comes naturally never forcefully. This place though, its sorta whack and lacks individuality and originality…not to mention visionaries with contributions… we as humans need to be vivid and make a change for this sanctuary, cause this…is insanity…. Let’s take it back in the days when loving was golden, commitment existed and life wasn’t rotten and corrupted…This rotten apple she bit is fit to be thrown out, on the ground…trampled on and squashed, and devoured from this round….. cause this, this round is mine.. and its time to intertwine her thoughts she’s fought to believe and will achieve the glee, she’s entitled to flee. Its November..Wednesday, and today like every other night and day, im high.. really, really freakin’ high..It’s almost as if she can’t really pinpoint what part of the globe is exactly spinning.

I’ve got so much shit to do, many accomplishments to fulfill, and oh so many people to make proud, including myself…. 

Units of energy.. joules or ergs.. vigorous activity, unity, captivity, anything interesting reels us back in to reality…right there, where these mortals lie in wait, lie in ambush, behave in sneaky and secretive manners rather than…. calling on their higher upper power for guidance…and speaking truth.

Sailing alone in her comfort zone, fogged memories begin circulating her cranium.. thoughts scattered all over, so she maneuvers herself, inhaling and exhaling; breathing techniques really are helping…. I believe i may have been a hippie in my past life and at the end of my living years, I’ll disappear, then reappear…in the shape and form and color of a deer…. running freely through the forest, eating through the harvest … saplings, grass, bushes, plants… digesting it all in…roaming through the woodland, swamps, mountains and open land…no hunters involved in this plan.

be… eternal 

MINDmatter

The night feels so right…

I write cause I don’t say much…

I need realness in my life… 

Practice inhaling and exhaling deeply as a form of therapy…

Mind is powerful…Mind over matter…any matter! 

Step outside thinking…

Master the moment…

Deliver Compassion… 

Practice listening… 

Spread joy…

Free..spirit. Kindred soul…

California Dreamin’ 

See with your mind.. breathe with your soul.

Goodnight 

The Game...

Everyone plays…its the mind game, in this life game…refrain from holding back…speak outloud; your thoughts, desires and plans…don’t follow trends..make them follow you…be the leader of the game. it gets played, either way, so play…play hard, but play right…don’t stray left…don’t fight, fuss or stress…it becomes disastrous…

the name of the game is…life. Make it all right…fight for your rights, beliefs and love. Universal love…All love. Self love. Free love. true love…lovelovelove. Breathe love…you shall glow more…

don’t just talk about “it”…Show it…be kind, proactive and levitate the fate…and levitate yourself, if you find yourself in a runt…don’t front and don’t judge…judge yourself before judging anyone else…keep the obvious and cliche in mind… no one is the definiton of perfection and the motto of everyday living is…it is what it is…don’t try interfering with natures way of believing something is…or isn’t. the mass majority speak upon the power of vision…law of attraction…live it!

Its funny cause…I dont like playing games, yet I play anyway… planning on gaining fame from this life game…making my words legit…putting words into actions cause theres a tiny glitch, in this system of “moving forward” so im working towards my needs and dreams and letting the desires of wants just flee…its time to breathe, see, feel…the world of my dreams…making those same dreams, reality. Sprinkling me with witty, whimsy, wealthy shimmer…Coloring my world, colorfully…where I’m the one shining, even when the lights are dimming…laughter is also a medicinal property…right there next to medicinal trees and musicalising.  

Socializing and networking are significantly mattering…entitled to more than ordinary. Determination and motivation…paramount substances.

Ceasing the moments, I’m maintaining my sanity…Joy, peace and success…Supreme ruler, overlord.  

This was poetic justice...

Somewhere along the timeline, I read… it’s easier said than done…therefore, just do it without saying. This…is the definite truth. There’s no greater way to show what you really mean and feel than actually showing, forget talking and promising…Life takes turns…for the better or the worst. Though, no matter the worth, it always is…just what it is. Not what they paint it out “to be”…it’s all right in front of you and me, ya see. Sooo…its amazing how much we try to interfere with nature…like its not going to happen on its own…we dont have the control….relax. relate. release…Breathe. Inhale deeply. Deep inhalations right into your belly…exhale. slowly through your nostrils…      Remember…its better to have and not need than to need and not have…appreciate the little things, our surroundings, our well beings, our relaxing abilities, the fact we’re up and living and breathing, surviving and making a living…life is short. and we don’t know when it’s our time to go…and when we go, if we can accept the fact that death never escapes life, and when we pass, the physical body takes a nap…but our soul, our powerful forceful postive energy still lingers…circling the earth…helping loved ones with their worth..their growth…we never leave, only our physicality..let’s not forget, it’s all energy. energy is one powerful thing…and energy cheats death because death may never get a grip every force of energy. it’s not a possibility. that being said, once we can all accept that, we may no longer fear death and yet, hold life tightly by the horns and ride the ride, of living your life. But please live right…live by the truth, not like these selfish egotistical creatures that say anything they may to get their way and then days later, let astray…anyway, this isn’t some preaching poem…this was just some kind of sum up of my poetic justice…..

Reality Aching Poetry

Yo…why do you keep me hidden like some kinda mistress…it was thee that fed me the fruit to believe we should go for this once again, when it’s known..fully blown proven, that the second, third or constantillionth time around is never as good as the first, while it still has its worth, while the love is still pure & truth…before the lies and falsely highs arrive….before you hide things from me for the sake of…nothing really..it makes you a damn liar. who wants to be fake and be the maker of shame games.. Small or large, the baggage you carry, carries on..lingering here, suffocating me, holding me, hostage. I need to breathe…I can’t see. I don’t know who you are nor what you want from me…all I know is you stole my heart and I want it back…that heart is gold and worth a lot… you played your games before this day and I, can’t sit here and say I just let it all pass my way….it still haunts my every positive thought, brought by you and I trying to rekindle this photographic situation, you’ve created. Im not one to point fingers, my love…but this is reality aching poetry…and in speaking reality, you took advantage of me. If im Wrong, show me so…but you took an adventure to better yourself and you ended up weakening her. Breaking her walls, allowing you in, and foolish enough like me, fell in love. didn’t she know, you were still in love? Oh, no…that’s right, you gladly guided her though your dark passageway in an attempt to melt away, yesterdays…then later left astray. Not surprising, you see…you ran an old game, in a new place, flew back to the past trying to renew it, again…If you’re trying to take your hardware tools in an attempt to fix all the broken rules this relationship went through, I don’t see how you think, that by your current actions, I would ever be your woman ever again. Do you appreciate me? Are you really in love? Do you even Know what I’m worth? Im a Woman warrior dear, lighting up dark rooms as I enter. Never surrendering my powerful being…I’m only, being…living and seeing..always been just me, same gal you fell in love with.

Here’s the issue.. you keep telling me you love me and you want me and miss me and need me, lets make this reality turning fallacy back to a reality…preaching on the fact that you cant wait to make me happy, cause you’ve got the technique to do so…your so blindly misleading yourself and missing the fact that your actions are always yelling at me…I’m sorry baby boy, but truly…you’re not doing right by me, in order to win this achievement, amazing happiness filled with intellectual conversation, the physical stimulations and dedication and love…MY love….not the love you get for free from everyone else…this is a special kinda breed…I gotta see you fight for what you want and need babe cause you left me high and dry and I’m the one that was left alone in a world full of clones wearing cloaks…picking myself up from where I left off and kept it traveling smoothly. Now you wanna come back and tell me you never stopped loving me? You made a mistake which was a well learned experience, you had to endure in order to grow? later realizing Im the one u wanted all along, from day one? Ok…so, realistically speaking….just please, shut the fuck up and talk emotionally…stop playing games with me, cause im through and different now..Show me the warrior within, wake up and smell the coffee beans, my coffee beans need lovin..my lips are lonely. true love, we once had…before the lies and fake goodbyes…crazy cause, you try and keep me a secret from the public yet you forget…they all already know…why try and lie, still? Don’t hide the truth..the truth always comes back to bite people in the ass…the truth is, you love me…so let it be. Don’t worry about how ‘stupid’ you look out to be…let ME see you for who you are…if it’s still what you want. If not, let me be cause I was doing fine before you interrupted me with your divine misleading words….sometimes I just dont know anymore, so, make me 100% sure again, by the way you profess your real loving

Clustermindfuck

Listen…at first, you said I am and now you say I was. Said together we should stay, now your only led astray. Ya used to be, fun-filling, caring and filled my weekends..now you’re off for pastimes. You run, games with my mind and lay the blame in my lap and delay laying the process of renewing this broken thread…yo, I meant what I said when you werent listening and I meant what I wrote when you stopped reading, and…I’m not saying it again. Said…I’m not saying it again, you need to know that I’m coming to the end of my solo partnering, silent tendering..or, bargaining for your affection…I do gain some satisfaction from the regulation you used to willingly offer me.. Your mind is set on abiding opinion from acquaintances who’s situations process fakeness and loneliness. I try and leave but you protest…professing you love me yet can’t..show me, loving…your actions want out but you, keep in..patience be running thin as you go through your notions and ignore my emotions. I cry oceans, then the tears become orphans and my soul leaves it’s compartment and resides in a new apartment. I get legit migraines, serious fear gains, physical heart strains and bloody tear stains…with increases in the pain, yo…I’m walking away…i mean, I wish I could stay, but your careless and none the less we all know, less is more and you, don’t show me more, you show me less and less…and less….and I don’t know who your attentions gets, but…I have an ache I’ve got to break…starting with today.