All I wanna do is capture a serious of candid moments through my thirty five millimeter camera, write my feelings and rhyme at the same time, smoke massive amounts of herbals.... light candles, smile and laugh everyday, love everyone that loves me and live......live this life the right way, array and not stray....
Not stray away from my developmentals and these essentials.. following me.
these initials, V.C... can stand for a lot of things.. but in this case, it only stands for... moi, Vanessa Castillo.. the little outgoing undercover shy, Latin Miamian woman ready to take on the world, one fake at a time....
this shit doesn't even have to rhyme..but I like to talk shit n make sense with some wit to it... No need to dumb shit down, like some say..Speak your mind and unwind your words, so mortals can comprehend the words as a whole, for what it's worth...
We all sit here, just.. 'living life' but what the fuck we living for?......money..like we some kinda whore.
What happened to commitment, love, fulfilment, reproduction, ext... this conduction has disrupted the normality of humanity.....
Back in the days....Love existed, friendship was never twisted and life.... Well, life was livable. Now, we see people visable shootin heroin, takin cocaine.. Fuckin up they're brains...... Such a damn shame.
All I know is, I'm here....here for me, myself..... To live, learn, yearn, adorn, grow, be someone, meet 'that' someone, make someone, my very own....cloan..my child... The only thing I'll leave behind once my time is has reached it's end... when it's all over and done and I am...gone..
My children live on, then their children and so on and so forth....this life is worth.....that and much more.
They'll live To tell stories and make somebodies of themselves....and it'll be all..thanks to my husband and I...we accomplished...like we always knew we would.
All I wanna do.....is live....
We don't go up to heaven or down to hell.. na....I mean...believe what you want, were all entitled to our very own opinion.. but well, in my opinion, my theory, my anology....it's all energy, energy and astrology.......Ha.
Get with the program, flip to page one and begin practicing the real cycle of living. Take the bicycle and go on the ride...smoothly and peacefully... day by day, minute by minute, second by second.....
it's quite exhilirating and thrilling.....this feeling of living freely, try it......
All I wanna do...is live....
V
Monday, May 17, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Raise your glasses for a Toast......
Mom.... you made it!!! Who woulda ever thought, 21 years back you woulda fought.. fought so hard and struggled so much, just to be able to touch, that white piece of paper some lack to grasp, we call... Bachelors degree. with all this glee, joy and excitement, you've quietly influenced us all, to never fall and forever stand tall... This forever endeavor you've encountered and devoured is all that... and much more.. too much for words. and since i never say much and always keep my thoughts enclosed, i'd like to say furthermore... all of your frustration and dedication has led you to graduation. Congratulations!!! Now, its time for the celebrations.. I'd like to take this time to let you know just how proud we all are, that you've made it this far. At this point in life, it's your time, time to shine, as bright as the sun, illuminating the dark.. Im surely positive this liberating, rejuvenating kinda feeling you are feeling is rewarding. The great wonderful feeling of acheiving...
Mom, you always had so much drive, thrive and strive... ta stay alive and live this life as free as a kite...
And so farfetched, you stretched and reached for those stars, reached for your goals and well.... GOOOAALLLL.
You never ever fell, so confidently.. beautiful mommy, always tell your story, with no worry cause what a tale it is, and it's all because you're such a wiz, and clearly.. always have been.....
We all knew you'd win this round, one day..
14 and pregnant, had the babeh, raised her daily... As she got older, you did too, the two of you, just grew... Together as one through any weather, partners in crime, from day 21 of September, remember? That feeling, of feeling like your drowning and sinking, but no matter the case, there was no time to waste.... and so, you made it!!!!
I actually recall you, pondering the idea of possibly maybe going back to school.. Since you never were a fool.. Only made foolish mistakes, but who doesn't fall far from that plate? ... so, you did.. you went back to school and you got the job @ UM...
steady and ready to take on the world with your sword......
And thanks to you, now i go to school, and not just any school, but the best University, in Miami.. so with a pat on the back, i congratulate you and i thank you,
thank you for beiing ..... you!
The achievement of this fulfillment you've endured has caused my words... And this, is a stepping stone.. To your new beginning.. so take these words I'm sayin and let them soak in... your the best mom, you made it and I love you dearly....
you've made me proud, so loudly, once more...
CONGRATS!!!!!
and now that I'm crunk, let's all get drunk!
V
Mom, you always had so much drive, thrive and strive... ta stay alive and live this life as free as a kite...
And so farfetched, you stretched and reached for those stars, reached for your goals and well.... GOOOAALLLL.
You never ever fell, so confidently.. beautiful mommy, always tell your story, with no worry cause what a tale it is, and it's all because you're such a wiz, and clearly.. always have been.....
We all knew you'd win this round, one day..
14 and pregnant, had the babeh, raised her daily... As she got older, you did too, the two of you, just grew... Together as one through any weather, partners in crime, from day 21 of September, remember? That feeling, of feeling like your drowning and sinking, but no matter the case, there was no time to waste.... and so, you made it!!!!
I actually recall you, pondering the idea of possibly maybe going back to school.. Since you never were a fool.. Only made foolish mistakes, but who doesn't fall far from that plate? ... so, you did.. you went back to school and you got the job @ UM...
steady and ready to take on the world with your sword......
And thanks to you, now i go to school, and not just any school, but the best University, in Miami.. so with a pat on the back, i congratulate you and i thank you,
thank you for beiing ..... you!
The achievement of this fulfillment you've endured has caused my words... And this, is a stepping stone.. To your new beginning.. so take these words I'm sayin and let them soak in... your the best mom, you made it and I love you dearly....
you've made me proud, so loudly, once more...
CONGRATS!!!!!
and now that I'm crunk, let's all get drunk!
V
Thursday, May 6, 2010
sporadically, writing ...
Apple seeds, next to the river quivers, above the canyon, adjacent to the main boulevard.. Beneath the maple tree.. find it, under the roots..
It's there hmm, serenity everywhere..
As i sit by the sea and feel the breeze and see the trees, i feel free. free at the beach, feet in the water, i try and reach for the sun.. the part of the sun that causes me to close my eyes when i look up... because the truth lies.. right above.. above and under, under my nose.. i know what i must do to get through to you, but i don't .. and i won't.... my pride and strive and drive to survive has a great power of force, in which i have, no control.... no remorse....
Feeling the breeze brush through my hair and tickle my skin, i win.....
I've won the miraculously apathy i actually seek to cringe.. and all i can sit here and say is wow. Wow for so many things... to begin with....
Its may, may of two thousand and ten and when.. exactly, did we get here? Why did it arrive so fast, but at last.....
Eternity of serenity.. guilty, of happiness... surrounding me.. and my family..
although they're not aware of all the hairs lifted from my skin, cause i've got these goose bumps ticklin... ticklin me, me and my conscious....
My consciousness repents and sends out telepathic repetitious subtle subliminal messages.. hoping that these are just phases.. phases one goes through, when shit felt right and was white but like everything else old and cold, turned, blue....
and, I've got the blues... blues over you.. and I can send you all these clues but with due time i find, you can't seek 'em, or just dont feel em, like before.....
but which ever it is i think, you... should fill me in... cause honestly baby from within, im content and filled with attributions I have for this earth, this world, this piece of shit home... its true, everything here is old so i gotta bring in some funk.... just like pierre, the skunk. ha..
This world sucks though and lacks individuality and originality not to mention visionaries with contributions .... we as humans need to be vivid and make a change for this sanctuary, cause this... is insanity....
Take me back in the days when loving was golden, commitment existed and shit wasn't rotten....
This rotten apple i bit is fit to be thrown out, on the ground and trampled on and squashed, and devoured from this round.....
cause this, this round is mine and like Ali I will take it.. and intertwine my thoughts iv'e fought to believe and i will achieve the glee, i am entitled to flee.
Its may... Wednesday and today like every other night and day, im high.. really, really fckin high, I actually just wanna sleep, but cant... I can't cause this beep-ing sound just keeps ringing in my ear and bugging and triggers my tears.... then I start investigating and finding shit i dont feel.... is this f'real?
It's almost as if i can't really pinpoint what part of the globe is exactly spinning ya see, and just when i'm able to tackle reality head on and realize, he's not everything, i start to think....
i mean seriously think.. and seriously, I've got so much shit to do, many accomplishments to fulfill, and oh many people I need to make proud, including myself....
but then, Damn... I can't comprehend just why i walk around, 85 percent of the time, looking down.. Am i ashamed of the lame feeling of neglect within hoping for enough time to pass for some time to heal, i swear i feel like... i don't know anyone here....
These wolves, they guide me ...
but with my blank stare, I am always aware of my surroundings and belongings and you.. my prince froggy, belong to me.. you blessing in disguise open your deceitful shut eyes and see.....
but, Damn.. fuck this shit.. in the face, on the nape and FUCK, that fate!
I'm not even wasting thoughts on this anymore...
but, Damn... just who am i tryin' to fool, i aint cool and feelin; this nor adaptin to this scrutiny we are fuelin' just Why.... Why do i even dwell or care, cause yo, i swear... he gave me fair warning; beware...
but i cared for that bear, with that eeyore stare.. cared so hard i closed my eyes and dared....
Dared to enter that winter cold splendor and believed every single word-phrase-cliche he surrendered.. oooooh so tender...
When will i take responsibility and put this curiously foggy brain to a halt.. not a halt as in take my own life .. Na, a halt as in, experience a much needed necessary epiphany..
a sudden realization of what really exists and who really emits something worth while to increase the burial of my frustration ... my warmest condolences...
On a higher note, let this float around your mind...
These damn politicians who want recognition after wrecking this economy.... but we needed that new substitution to get this fusion bomb cookin' ... but yo, f'real tho y'all better cool it cause aint much Obama can do, in just two .. or not even, one.. mothafckin year. Cant you feel and realize the lies this big ass BUSH fed us?
He destroyed and left our earth with no form and void... lacking any legal or binding force.
The finding; i am here with my stampede of horses and were all fighting back to get this lacking piece of shit 3rd planet from the sun, up and runnin again..
units of energy.. joules or ergs.. vigorous activity, unity, captivity, anything interesting reels us back in to reality.... right there, where these mortals lie in wait, lie in ambush, behave in sneaky and secretive manners rather than.... calling on their higher upper power for guidance... Jesus, Buddha, Mary... Jane, ha.. whoever you may...
ya catch my fish? ... or is it my drift? which ever it is, on this ship, my very own yaght I sail.....
Sailing alone in my comfort zone, where i used to go all the time, each time.. before committing this crime ..
The crime of falling out and in in and out.. falling in and out of desirable, suitable, chokable, LOVE..
Damn this love, damn the fifth of each month, and damn.....
damn you!
Damn these voices in my head, blue and red, the good and the bad.. circulating my cranium.. thoughts scattered all over, so I maneuver myself, inhaling and exhaling, breathing techniques really help my weak ass self....
Life is so tough and rough and for whaat? to get cash fast and smash niggas dicks with these pussy lips between my hips...
live life fast with this huge ass and for whaat?
at the end of my living years just die and disappear.. then reappear in the shape and form of a deer....
running through the forest eating through the harvest ... saplings, grass, bushes, plants i digest it all ... and roam through the woodland, swamps, mountains and open land...
Damn...
what a plan........
V
It's there hmm, serenity everywhere..
As i sit by the sea and feel the breeze and see the trees, i feel free. free at the beach, feet in the water, i try and reach for the sun.. the part of the sun that causes me to close my eyes when i look up... because the truth lies.. right above.. above and under, under my nose.. i know what i must do to get through to you, but i don't .. and i won't.... my pride and strive and drive to survive has a great power of force, in which i have, no control.... no remorse....
Feeling the breeze brush through my hair and tickle my skin, i win.....
I've won the miraculously apathy i actually seek to cringe.. and all i can sit here and say is wow. Wow for so many things... to begin with....
Its may, may of two thousand and ten and when.. exactly, did we get here? Why did it arrive so fast, but at last.....
Eternity of serenity.. guilty, of happiness... surrounding me.. and my family..
although they're not aware of all the hairs lifted from my skin, cause i've got these goose bumps ticklin... ticklin me, me and my conscious....
My consciousness repents and sends out telepathic repetitious subtle subliminal messages.. hoping that these are just phases.. phases one goes through, when shit felt right and was white but like everything else old and cold, turned, blue....
and, I've got the blues... blues over you.. and I can send you all these clues but with due time i find, you can't seek 'em, or just dont feel em, like before.....
but which ever it is i think, you... should fill me in... cause honestly baby from within, im content and filled with attributions I have for this earth, this world, this piece of shit home... its true, everything here is old so i gotta bring in some funk.... just like pierre, the skunk. ha..
This world sucks though and lacks individuality and originality not to mention visionaries with contributions .... we as humans need to be vivid and make a change for this sanctuary, cause this... is insanity....
Take me back in the days when loving was golden, commitment existed and shit wasn't rotten....
This rotten apple i bit is fit to be thrown out, on the ground and trampled on and squashed, and devoured from this round.....
cause this, this round is mine and like Ali I will take it.. and intertwine my thoughts iv'e fought to believe and i will achieve the glee, i am entitled to flee.
Its may... Wednesday and today like every other night and day, im high.. really, really fckin high, I actually just wanna sleep, but cant... I can't cause this beep-ing sound just keeps ringing in my ear and bugging and triggers my tears.... then I start investigating and finding shit i dont feel.... is this f'real?
It's almost as if i can't really pinpoint what part of the globe is exactly spinning ya see, and just when i'm able to tackle reality head on and realize, he's not everything, i start to think....
i mean seriously think.. and seriously, I've got so much shit to do, many accomplishments to fulfill, and oh many people I need to make proud, including myself....
but then, Damn... I can't comprehend just why i walk around, 85 percent of the time, looking down.. Am i ashamed of the lame feeling of neglect within hoping for enough time to pass for some time to heal, i swear i feel like... i don't know anyone here....
These wolves, they guide me ...
but with my blank stare, I am always aware of my surroundings and belongings and you.. my prince froggy, belong to me.. you blessing in disguise open your deceitful shut eyes and see.....
but, Damn.. fuck this shit.. in the face, on the nape and FUCK, that fate!
I'm not even wasting thoughts on this anymore...
but, Damn... just who am i tryin' to fool, i aint cool and feelin; this nor adaptin to this scrutiny we are fuelin' just Why.... Why do i even dwell or care, cause yo, i swear... he gave me fair warning; beware...
but i cared for that bear, with that eeyore stare.. cared so hard i closed my eyes and dared....
Dared to enter that winter cold splendor and believed every single word-phrase-cliche he surrendered.. oooooh so tender...
When will i take responsibility and put this curiously foggy brain to a halt.. not a halt as in take my own life .. Na, a halt as in, experience a much needed necessary epiphany..
a sudden realization of what really exists and who really emits something worth while to increase the burial of my frustration ... my warmest condolences...
On a higher note, let this float around your mind...
These damn politicians who want recognition after wrecking this economy.... but we needed that new substitution to get this fusion bomb cookin' ... but yo, f'real tho y'all better cool it cause aint much Obama can do, in just two .. or not even, one.. mothafckin year. Cant you feel and realize the lies this big ass BUSH fed us?
He destroyed and left our earth with no form and void... lacking any legal or binding force.
The finding; i am here with my stampede of horses and were all fighting back to get this lacking piece of shit 3rd planet from the sun, up and runnin again..
units of energy.. joules or ergs.. vigorous activity, unity, captivity, anything interesting reels us back in to reality.... right there, where these mortals lie in wait, lie in ambush, behave in sneaky and secretive manners rather than.... calling on their higher upper power for guidance... Jesus, Buddha, Mary... Jane, ha.. whoever you may...
ya catch my fish? ... or is it my drift? which ever it is, on this ship, my very own yaght I sail.....
Sailing alone in my comfort zone, where i used to go all the time, each time.. before committing this crime ..
The crime of falling out and in in and out.. falling in and out of desirable, suitable, chokable, LOVE..
Damn this love, damn the fifth of each month, and damn.....
damn you!
Damn these voices in my head, blue and red, the good and the bad.. circulating my cranium.. thoughts scattered all over, so I maneuver myself, inhaling and exhaling, breathing techniques really help my weak ass self....
Life is so tough and rough and for whaat? to get cash fast and smash niggas dicks with these pussy lips between my hips...
live life fast with this huge ass and for whaat?
at the end of my living years just die and disappear.. then reappear in the shape and form of a deer....
running through the forest eating through the harvest ... saplings, grass, bushes, plants i digest it all ... and roam through the woodland, swamps, mountains and open land...
Damn...
what a plan........
V
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)